Semantics are important

There are a few things I'd be quite happy never ever ever to hear ever again in my life. (Yes, Michele, that song is one of them.) One of them has peaked my pique today. Not sure why, but where there is grist, mill it. (millet?)

Right: If I were you, I'd (fill in the sage words of advice).

The existentialist in me rails against this phrase for the following reason: if you were me, you/me would have my experiences and thought processes all of which would inevitably lead you/me to the same conclusion at which I/me have found myself the result of which would then be me asking you for input. At which point it all becomes a recursive logic loop upon the likes of which seasons of Star Trek (the Various Incarnations) were founded. A worm hole suddenly appears and I find myself face to face with my Van Dyke'd (not goteed as popular nomenclature would have you believe... Google it, g'wan, I'll wait) evil twin who is crazy good with a rapier.

So, don't say dumb things like "if I were you". Words are important. How we say what we say carries far more weight than the stunningly wrong children's rhyme would have us believe. "Sticks and stones" and all that... yeah, well, chuck a rock at me and I at least know how to respond. As a kid, if you hear things from your parents that aren't so helpful, how do you respond? I have a case load of kids who would vehemently disagree that "names will never hurt me." Not that the parents in question came right out and said dummy, idiot, or whatever.

Oh no no no. That'd be far too easy to address. This is the best type of insidious parenting, "Yes (insert example of child's exemplary behavior, praise, what-have-you), BUT (insert qualifier that completely emasculates the self esteem of said child)." Loads of fun to correct in parents who are NEVER the cause of their child's "problems"...

Really? All this just spontaneously occurred? You, model parent, modeled parenting immaculately? You are the exemplar of humanity you expect your child to become? Huzzah! Huzzah! Huh-freakin-ZAH! And yet, this child with some genetic predispositions toward behavioral patterns and some penchant for environmental imprinting has managed to avoid all of those powerful influences, the nearly nigh omnipresent presence that is you in all your glory to become this wretch of a human? A mockery of all that you bring to their world? This child who deigns to shun that which you would bestow upon them...

Say it ain't so.

The toughest day of my life was when I realized two things: A) I needed to be the person I wanted my kids to become and B) I was going to fail at that horrifically. I am far from perfect. As my kids remind me. But they appreciate the effort and the honesty.

Semantics are important. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words can scar so deeply.